Four-way Demon Death-Match!!!

So here is the situation: Two travelers are trapped on a desert island, or boat, or something. All they have is a compass, three slices of Beef Jerky, and a CD of previously made stranded-on-an-island hits. One proposes a wager for the third piece of jerky. Out of the four demons listed, which one would last in a battle to the death (assuming they can die)? The outcome is determined in one of two ways: 1) voting in our poll, or 2) best argument. Of course, these travelers died years ago, so the outcome will matter very little to them, but when has practicality ever mattered to a philosopher (We got jokes!). Anyway, in all fairness, here are the stats:

Laplace's Demon: Capable of pinpoint deterministic calculations. Prescient, but lets you go out to the bar to make a fool of yourself anyway...jerk... +3 Armor of 'I told you so.' Special Move: Sarcasm, "I had no idea!"

Maxwell's Demon: Capable of violating Second Law of Thermodynamics, and subsequently, moving through time. Really cocky, great hair. Also, subject of hilarious sci-fi parodies. +3 Mace of Anti-establishment. Special Move: I mean, really...time travel...

Descartes' Demon: Capable of instilling misleading perceptions, detectable only by self-reflection (seriously Descartes, just touch the candle!). Also capable of blowing the mind of the uninformed at social gatherings. +1 Shroud of Shroudness. Special Move: Card Tricks. "Was that your card...yes, it was."

Socrates' Demon: Can make one man not do things. +1 Mask of Aristophanes. Special Move: Irony. "Wouldn't it be ironic if I won? Why am I even in this?"

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